[Who do you blame for your issues?]

Kid Rock? There was that time backstage and I just felt rejected because I’m not a triple D.

Oooooh. Homerun. She shoots and she scores.

No? You don’t like that answer. You’re like Emily. Capital No, Capital Fun.

And that’s the reason for most of my issues. Emily Gilmore. Sure, Chris, Max, Jason and Luke contributed but Emily Gilmore wrote the book. I was never good enough for her. I was never the daughter she wanted me to be and I didn’t grow into the adult I was supposed to be in her mind. I think I was switched at birth. Emily’s real daughter is out there wandering around someone completely clueless of what she escaped. I’m probably a lifetime movie and I just haven’t realized it yet. Or maybe I know I’m a lifetime movie but I’m not the lifetime movie I thought I was.

Look, I’m a Tolstoy novel of issues. I know it and I’m fine with it. I’m forty years old. My character is pretty much written. I’m not going to change, I’m not going to resolve my issues and I’m not getting rid of my Hello Kitty collection. Besides, I like who I am and my issues make up a gigantic part of that.

…huh…good attitude to have going into therapy isn’t it?

[Talk about the one event in your life that has affected you the most.]

Having Rory. Without a doubt. She changed everything in my life. She gave me the backbone to walk away from my parents. She gave me the will to do something with my life and make something of myself. She’s my heart, my soul and the love of my life. She is everything I ever wanted to be and nothing that I will ever get to be. She’s the most amazing person to ever walk the face of this earth and I made her. Yeah, I’m proud but if you’d made her, you would be too.

I’m forty years old and I look back and I can’t imagine where my life would have gone if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with her. Most people would look at a pregnant sixteen year old and say her life was ruined. They’d be wrong in my case. Rory saved me. And not to go all Rose but she saved me in every way a person can be saved.

But having a big fat blue diamond to pawn would have made raising her a whole lot easier.

Inkblot
What do you see in the Inkblot>

Hello Kitty with ‘roid rage. See Hello Kitty used to be a very happy little kitty. She had the bow and the dress and she was good to go. Then the Powerpuff Girls arrived and everything was about girl power. Kitty just couldn’t compete so she does what any cartoon kitty would do. She pumps herself full of steroids, gets herself a personal trainer and makes it her mission to destroy the Powerpuff Girls. I’m kinda afraid for her though. She hasn’t got a lot going for her outside of the cute.

What do you mean I’m not taking therapy seriously? Have you met me? Unless it’s an endangerment to Rory, I rarely take anything seriously.

…Just so we’re clear, I am sending Paul Anka to pee on your Christmas Presents.

It’s Emily. It’s Emily telling three year old me to sit up straight and be quiet. It’s Emily telling me I’ve ruined my life. It’s Emily telling me that I should have married Christopher when I was sixteen. It’s Emily telling me that I’m raising Rory all wrong. It’s Emily telling me that she didn’t raise me that way. It’s Emily asking me when I’m finally going to grow up. It’s Emily telling me that the divorce is all my fault. It’s Emily telling me that I’m the reason Christopher married Sherry. It’s Emily telling me that it’s my fault Rory quit Yale for a semester and it’s my fault that she went out with that horrible boy that got her arm broken. It’s Emily and what she always does when I’m involved.

And now I’m off to teach Paul Anka to pee on command and annoy Michele since I'm cranky.

Ten Moments That Defined Me:

1. Getting pregnant with Rory
2. Having Rory
3. The first time my mother didn’t get the first cup of tea at her weekly tea time with the DAR. I realized I don’t want to be her. I don’t want to have tea cup order define who I am.
4. The first time I heard The Bangles
5. The first time I heard The Sex Pistols
6. The day I met Chris
7. The day I met Mia
8. The day I walked away from my parents and took Rory with me.
9. The day I went back and asked for money for Chilton
10. The day I opened the Dragonfly Inn. My very own Inn. It was sort of big.

Ten Things I Spent Money On that I shouldn’t

1. Fuzzy things
2. Animal print things
3. More junk food than is reasonably sane
4. Shoes
5. Hats
6. Furry things
7. Power Puff Girls stationary
8. Pink Ranger Lip Gloss
9. Hello Kitty Anything
10. Inappropriate tee shirts

Well, it was bound to happen. Due to fighting and bad handling, the government of the United States has been overthrown. Congress has been dissolved, and YOU have been made the all powerful ruler of the USA. You are the absolute, but much loved, dictator of the country and all of its resources. You must now select a cabinet. Secretary of Defense, Treasury, State, Interior, Education and one other department that you create. Who do you pick? What is your first act as ruler?


First of all let me get my gleeful jumping and squealing out of the way. And Mom thought I’d never amount to anything. Do I have dungeons? I should have dungeons as a dictator.

Anyway, onto my cabinet. This always makes me think of some huge, antique overly carved monstrosity.

Secretary of Defense: John McClain from Die Hard. He took down a helicopter with a police car. Don’t tell me he wouldn’t be perfect for the job.

Treasury: Bill Gates. He’s done pretty good with his own money. I don’t see why he wouldn’t do alright for the Nations.

Secretary of State: Audrey Hepburn. Yes I realize she’s dead but then I’m not really dictator of this country or any other.

Secretary of Interior: Jeff Corwin. He’d be good and if he wasn’t, eventually he’s going to get bit by something poisonous. Bad Lorelai, I know. It’s not PC. I should make it understood I’m not wishing for him to get bit. It’s just…you know inevitable.

Secretary of Education: Rory Gilmore. Because let’s face it. She’s brilliant, she’s beautiful and education is her thing.

Secretary of coffee: Okay…ideally I would be the head of this. It’s the bureau to make sure that everyone drinks coffee and it’s good coffee. We’d all be much happier and productive if we had a required daily coffee intake. This is my point of view. I guess if I can’t be head of the coffee department since I’m busy being the dictator I’ll make Luke be the head of this. He may have rotten taste in wives but he’s got excellent taste in coffee.

for thetenspot

This list was surprisingly hard to make for me. I don't have a lot of regrets in my life. Which is good because I never really got the whole guilt thing. I don't do well with it.

Ten Things You Wish You Hadn’t Said or Done


1. slept with Chris the night Luke broke off our engagement.

2. have had all that tequila at Lane’s wedding reception.

3. broken Max’s heart.

4. given back that Hello Kitty waffle iron. Sookie would have made me waffles in it.

5. eaten that fourth chili dog the night I saw Night of the Living Dead in the movie theater.

6. had that fight with Rory.

7. gotten that perm.

8. slept with Chris at Sookie’s wedding.

9. Ask my parents for the money to pay for Chilton. It brought us all closer but it ended up putting Rory in debt to my parents and I never wanted that. I cut the puppet strings when I left and by letting them back into her life, I retied those strings.

10. let Luke remodel my house. It’s all too shiny and brand new now. Also, he remodeled it so he could live there with me. He’s not doing that and I sorta feel like I owe him. It’s not Luke’s fault. He’s great…well he’s great after we got over the whole broken engagement thing…anyway. I like to pay back my debts. I’ll be indebted to Luke until I die. Which…if I’m going to be indebted to anyone until death, Luke isn’t a bad one. Still.


And the ones regarding Chris...it has nothing to do with him. It has to do with the circumstances at the time. Chris is a good guy. He's just not My good guy.

"So anywhere in particular you want to go?" Lorelai asked Oz as they walked out of the New York New York. They'd taken six days to get from Stars Hollow to Las Vegas, stopping in nearly every town for one thing or another. At this point, Oz knew a great deal about Lorelai, although she couldn't say she knew a lot about Oz. They'd arrived in Las Vegas, got a room at the New York New York (two queen sized beds)and taken a nap until dark. Now Lorelai was dressed in a black mini skirt, calf high black heeled boots and a tee shirt that said Hold my purse while I kiss your boyfriend. She'd scrunched some stuff in her hair so that it was wavy around her shoulders.

"At some point we have to ride the roller coaster in our hotel and I need one of those massive glasses filled with strawberry margarita or a coffee margarita. They really should make those."

If, like milk or the newspaper, you could have just one thing delivered to your doorstep each morning, what item would you want and why?


Can I say the Chippendale Dancers? All of them. Especially the one in the fireman costume. I don’t really care if they’re all gay. I just want to line them up in my living room, curl up on the couch and look at them while I have my morning coffee. Or oh! They could bring me my morning coffee and put change the water bottle when it runs out, clean the gutters, kill spiders, change light bulbs. You know, all the thing I need a boy around for.

Barring the ability to have the Chippendale Dancers delivered, I’ll take a cup of coffee in bed. It’d be the perfect way to start a morning. I’d get coffee before the dreaded getting out of bed ever happened. And if it’s snowing I could have my deliveree open the window so I could just sit there, drink my coffee and wake up without three alarms going off.

Scratch that, can I have the Chippendale Dancers deliver the coffee? I’d get pretty boys, coffee and peace all at once.

At least until Michele calls because the horse is in the lobby, the Wilson’s are lost, suspected frozen to death and the Roberts children expect him to play games with them.

Peace and Lorelai Gilmore don’t really go together and if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What is the best practical joke or prank you have ever pulled on someone OR that someone has pulled on you?


I’m not sure you’d call the things I do to Emily practical jokes or pranks. It’s just something I’ve always done even before I realized what I was doing. Irritating Emily antics range from the penis shirt at dinner to drinking my coffee hanging out of her car because she said I couldn’t drink it in her car. It takes so little to get her going. Talking to my vegetables at dinner will do it. What else am I supposed to do? Eat them? Please. Fry it and I’ll consider it. I can just mention the maid of the week and she takes off with a defensive ramble. Most of the time I don’t even realize I’m ragging on her. I promise that interview in the magazine was an accident. I assumed it was all off record until Rory told me it’s not off the record unless you say this is off the record. However, having my mother makes Hitler look fluffy in print still gives me warm fuzzies as long as I don’t remember the aftermath.

I used to do things like call her up and tell her that I was following in Lindsey’s Lohan’s footsteps or Britney’s or Kurt Coban. She never got the joke though. She’s got this way of rolling her eyes at me that actually transmits over the phone. It’s the eleventh or twelfth wonder of the world.

I think the best practical joke anyone ever played on me though was that time in the diner that I was rambling and Luke asked me to marry him. Just to shut me up. It worked. For about five seconds. Of course later, it was less funny but at the time, I appreciated it.

There was that time I called my mother to get that guy’s number from the auction. It turned out to be a practical joke on me because he was so…into his car. My brain dribbled out my ears before the date was half over and Mom was already planning our wedding.

Hmm, both practical jokes pulled on me involve weddings. I think it's a sign. You know like the 666 on the kid’s head in Omen? Yeah exactly like that. Sorry, Kiddo if you’d been born with a 666 on your head I would have filleted you with the knives because that was a creepy, creepy kid. Your half sister might be related to him. I’ll have to have Chris look into it. So yeah, me and marriage, pretty much like the movie. Both document the end of the world as we know it and include signs. I didn’t ignore the huge 666 on my engagements the way Katherine did

Wealth vs Poverty



Lorelai sat in the middle of Rory’s nursery staring at two tiny dresses. One was pink, covered in ruffles of tulle and lace. It had little pink satin bows around the hem of the full skirt. The other one was pale blue, ruffled in the same manner but this one had little pearls sewn all over it.

Emily poked her head into the room. “We’re going to meet the Hayden’s in an hour, Lorelai. Just make a decision. Either one of those dresses would be perfect on Rory.”

“She’s going to wear the jumper I made her,” Lorelai responded.

“That ridiculous black thing with the tongue on it? She can’t wear that to the country club. Besides its home made. We can afford to buy clothes for her and she’s a beautiful little girl. I’d like for her to look like a little girl.” Without waiting for an answer, Emily walked down the hall and disappeared into her room.

Lorelai buried her face in her hands, grumbling as she did. There was a tiny squeal from the white, ruffle bedecked crib. The sound brought Lorelai to her feet. She leaned on the railing of the crib and looked down at the black-haired, blue-eyed beauty there.

“Hey, Kiddo,” she whispered, tickling the baby girl as she did. That elicited a giggle from her along with a flailing of legs and hands.

Lorelai turned to grab one of the dresses, not caring which one she grabbed and a flash of memory from her own childhood crowded in her head.

“Lorelai Victoria, would you please quit fidgeting? You’re going to wrinkle your dress.”

“Mom, I wanna go play in the sandbox,” Lorelai whined.

“Most certainly not. You’ll be filthy. Don’t you want to stay pretty like a princess in front of all my friends?”


Lorelai dropped the dress; it fell in a heap on the floor and she gathered Rory up in her arms. The baby was still dressed in the Rolling Stones jumper she’d sewn for her from one of her own tee shirts. “You are a princess, kiddo. No matter what you wear and you’re going to play in sandboxes, wiggle and wrinkle all your dresses.”



”Whatever you say, Richard. Lorelai, we are leaving! Please acknowledge that. Where is that girl?”


ooc: Italized quote is from the GG episode Dear Emily and Richard

Ten Things I'd do with a Seriously Lucky Rabbit Foot

First of all...rabbit's feet? I'm not anti-fur really but all I can imagine is a little rabbit hopping around on three feet. No I'm not naive I know they kill the bunny first but that doesn't get rid of the imagery.

1. Vegas Baby! Rory and I did Atlantic City but I think I lost her college fund there.

2. Have dinner with my mother. Tell her I am getting married (I’m not) but it’d be nice to see her take it well for once.

3. Karaoke. The entire music industry would thank me for not slaughtering their songs.

4. Fulfill my life long ambition of being a groupie. Preferably Aerosmith since we’re talking seriously lucky.

5. Get married. In theory I should have a groom in mind first but really, if I’m going to pick something relationship wise to do on a seriously lucky day, it should be the Big One. Besides, the dating part of a relationship has never been my problem. I’m good with the dating part.

6. Go ski. The clothes are cute. There’s snow involved and usually if you’re me, broken limbs.

7. Tell my mom all the things I really have always wanted to tell her but were afraid it’d hurt her or me. I hear they take you down to the big house for homicide and stripes are not a good look for me.

8. Order Moroccan from Al’s Pancake House. Yes I do this every once in a while but it never tastes good so maybe if I’m seriously lucky, it will.

9. Write Susanna Hoffs and ask her if she would consider reuniting The Bangles.

10. Go See the Rolling Stones in concert because really, can you get higher groupie status than Mick Jagger AND Steven Tyler?

Ten People Who Have Saved You

1.Rory
If I actually listed all the ways she saved me, we’d be here all day.

2.Mia
She gave Rory and I a place to stay and kept us off the streets.

3.Sookie
She’s my best friend. She’s been there through good times and bad fashion decisions, not to mention worse boyfriend decisions.

4.Luke
We had our ups and downs but in the end, he’s saved me so many times.

5.Dean
There was that spider I was prepared to hand over the kitchen to. Dean came to the rescue despite the fact that he and Rory were broken up.

6.Chris
He tried so hard when I first got pregnant with Rory. He wasn’t always there but he came through in a couple of pinches. Besides, he was essential to giving me Rory. He’s a savior whether he wants to be or not.

7.My parents
Believe me, I don’t want to put them on this list but they deserve to be here.

8.Jason aka digger
There was that awful football game thing and Jason asking me out gave me an excuse to get out of a night spent with Mom and Dad.

9.Paul Anka
He came into my life at a really difficult time and he spent more nights with me curled up next to him without complaint.

10.Ethiopia
Yes the entire country. They were the first to cultivate coffee.

She’s the tiniest thing Lorelai has ever seen, all soft pink skin and downy black hair. She’s got bright blue eyes that the nurse warns her will probably change. Lorelai doesn’t argue with her but she knows they’re not going to. Rory has her eyes and she will keep her eyes. Unlike many new mothers, Lorelai has no problem believing this tiny, beautiful creature is hers.

Most of the newborns are in the nursery and Rory was there until just a few minutes ago. Lorelai had gone down to look at her, marvel in her perfection and she’d noticed no one was talking to Rory. No one was holding her or singing to her and they had some awful elevator music playing through the hospital.

So now Rory is in her room, snuggled up to her side, despite the nurse’s clucking about how fragile newborns are.

Her daughter isn’t fragile and she won’t ever be. Fragile things get broken and no one is ever going to break Rory, not if Lorelai has a say in it.

God no, because if they're real my mother will haunt me for the REST OF MY LIFE.

Honestly. I’m waiting for some to love me for exactly what I am. I’m waiting for the guy that will come along and not want to change me. I’m waiting for the guy that goes and gets me my ninth cup of coffee at the end of the day or the guy who doesn’t look at my steady diet of junk food and try to get me to eat vegetables. I know I’m supposed to look at the bright side of that and say oh well he’s just got my best interests at heart. He just wants me to live longer. I’m not interested in the bright side. They always stick around for the bright side. It’s the darker side of things no one seems to want to stay for.

Chris, Luke, Max, Jason…they all loved the idea of what I was or what I could be. When confronted with the reality of it…well what always happens when ideas are punctured?

I’m waiting for someone to look at me and see a reality they covet rather than looking at me and seeing an idea that could be.

Muse: Lorelai Gilmore
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Word Count: 187

I could go back through my life and tell you so many times when hindsight would have changed things. The thing is I like my life. I love my life. I don’t want to change anything. At least not the big things.

When we’re talking little things though…I guess in hindsight I should have shown that letter to Chris. I should have told him I was writing a character reference for Luke. And I shouldn’t have stuck it in a desk drawer like I was hiding it. I should have just burned it. No…okay so yes that would have saved me a huge fight with Christopher and doing things just to get yourself out of trouble is wrong…however convenient…No it would have been wrong to burn the letter. It would have been an admission of guilt, an admission of guilt that I don’t have.

Okay…so there is guilt. This is why I suck at lying and I’d be a rotten lawyer. I do still love Luke. I will always love Luke. Just not the way Chris thinks. Luke wouldn’t fight for me, not the way I was willing to fight for him. The way I am fighting for him right now with Chris. I can’t be in love with a man that won’t fight for me. In my world, if you’re me…that’s part of love, fighting. Both figuratively and literally. Luke wouldn’t do that for me or with me. Chris doesn’t get that. In a way he’s a victim of knowing me too long. It never occurs to him that someone might not know how to handle Hurricane Lorelai. They never have named a hurricane Lorelai and I’m not sure why not. All the Lorelai’s I’ve ever met are hurricane material. Anyway…

In hindsight, I should have burned the letter.

Morning afters are rarely good. This is well established in books, movies and songs. If they start out good, there is generally something bad about to happen within the next twenty-four hours.

I’ve had a lot of morning afters in my life.

There was the morning after telling my parents I was pregnant. What a nightmare…Sixteen year old Chris on one knee proposing with his grandmother’s ring, both sets of our parents right behind him bickering and arguing about where we were going to live and who Chris was going to work for.

The morning after I broke my engagement to Max…technically also the day of our wedding…now that was a heck of a morning after. There was the hangover, combined with the guilt because I’d screwed over a really nice man. Not to mention I had to send all of those wonderful wedding presents back.

The morning after Sookie’s wedding…I’d slept with Chris, we’d planned this whole happily ever after and I thought it was going to work this time. Then Sheri was pregnant and Chris was gone. Believe it or not, this was the first time it occurred to me that all morning afters suck. I’m a little slow.

The morning after Luke dumped me…I slept with Chris…And now I’m seeing a pattern here.

Maybe I should stop sleeping with Chris. Or stop getting engaged.

There is one morning after that didn’t suck. One morning after that was perfect.

The morning after Rory was born.